Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Shades of Blue

I-------am------human. I bet you didn't know that! Heheheh But I believe we often forget as humans that we have a wide range of feelings and emotions. I remember teaching my girls (my students) that feelings are neither good or bad. Its perfectly fine to be angry--what is not fine is how you express that anger whether its to yourself or others.

A few days ago I found a blue cloud hanging over my head. To be honest with you it was about time. As a mother you become so busy with everyone else so many times you forget to allow yourself to think or deal with certain things.

In my case my husband and I are EXHAUSTED! Neither of us talks about it to others very much but thankfully we talk to each other. He works seven days a week, sometimes until three in the morning and then the next day he leaves at one in the afternoon to work until midnight. All the while he helps me when I need it and plays with the kids. I am so thankful to him that he takes the time out even when he is tired beyond words.

I don't know if some of  you know this but having had three babies in four years can be spectacular yet draining all at the same time miraculous. I'm a pretty brave person I think, having endured many deaths in my family in particular my mother and also have had three major surgeries before having my children. But......

Okay so for those women out there who haven't had children yet don't read this next line if you don't think you cant handle it.

Giving you another chance........

So child birth is the MOST horrifically painful thing I have EVER endured in my lifetime thus far!! I am not being dramatic in anyway and women who say it isn't are either lying or the baby came out in two seconds after an hour of labor pains!!! LOL Seriously its a life draining experience and I did it three times in four years...yeah I am TIRED!

With that being said-----shouldn't I be entitled to have a blue day...any shade of blue?? Okay so entitled is the wrong word to use but darn it I think times are tough in this country and so many of us are working so hard for so little that yeah my motto of "keep on keeping on" gets tough sometimes to follow.

I think you should allow yourself to feel what you need to feel. People tend  not to like unhappiness in general so when someone is having a blue day they stay quiet or keep away from them. Really now? I think a nice friendly smile, a hug, a little email saying something cute or funny would make there day and perhaps help the person feel a bit less blue.

I tend to allow my feelings to take their flow and let them ride themselves out, especially the negative kind. I know that if I keep it bottled or I keep totally quiet that I will only be hurting myself more.

Do you know once a mommy-"friend" of mine said to me that I should never have a bad day because I have everything. Just UGH!!!! Again, let me say: I-----am-----human!

Everyone has tough days, horrible moments, and super blue spells. I am the kind of person who likes to feel connected to the world, on some level at least. So when I feel something I tend to express myself. When I am  happy I smile and laugh and I declare it very passionately (ironically my bunny is the same!). When I am sad I get cranky and my emotions are on high and sometimes I cry. Don't you feel so much better after a good cry? I know I do.
This is all normal and sane stuff. People should express themselves more often. Perhaps if they did they would have a longer life span or just better relationships. I never understood why anyone would want to keep all of those feelings packed tightly inside of themselves. It will get out somehow but unfortunately it will come out in not such good way.

So I rode my blue day and a half out. In the midst of it chatted with a few good friends both on the phone and online. Realized again that good people are rare but they are out there. Had a long and productive chat with my honey and was able to connect and express to him what was going on with me.

See I wasn't just blue due to how tired I am or how overwhelming my situation is but also because for a brief moment I questioned whether I could do this pinup thing or not. I have said it before but I really have so much going against me.

I remembered reading this quote somewhere and it said, "Forget about all the reasons why something may not work. You only need to find one good reason why it will."

I mean doesn't that say it all!! I had a super fabulous pep talk from an amazingly good friend who told me NOT to give up in such a way that I felt I just couldn't. Afterward I felt that I was on my way to becoming my usual shade of pink.

I think we should all be supportive to others especially when someone else is feeling the blues. We are in fact just human.


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