Screaming on the inside

Last week I shared with you all my latest journey in life. I waited six days to hear from my doctor and finally after three phone calls and lots of asking for my results....I have them.

First thing she said was, "there is no cancer" See, thing is after being a nervous wreck all week by the time the weekend came I did some reflection and realized that whatever the results are going to be there is nothing I can do to immediately change them. They will be what they will be. But I also came to the conclusion that I needed some answers in order to move to the next step. I wasn't going to allow a nonexistent phone call deter me from my goal. Hence why I kept calling.

So, yes...breathe...no cancer. But it didn't phase me-I don't know why. She continued to speak and told me the biopsy shows that I have abnormal cells. I can feel a small mass on the corner of my right breast, so that makes sense to me. Although I wonder to myself, "does abnormal cells mean that this is going to progress ultimately to something else?" It's a good question I think. I also think I have to do my own personal research.

The plan of action to take is that I will go for a MRI (finally) and afterwards I will be scheduled to have surgery on my breast to remove any of the abnormalities. Ugh. I say "ugh" because I have already had three foot surgeries, three c-sections, and numerous other procedures. At this moment the thought of more needles and being put under makes me sigh deeply. 

I have to say after I heard this news, I realized I had so few people to call to share it. My husband was the first, then my dad, then my brother's girlfriend, left a message for a childhood friend, then Brittany of course, lastly sent a quick email to my friend Nick. Then it also hit me that I have all of you to share this with. I find such great comfort in the relationships and friendships that have been created all because we are fascinated with another time in history. 

I want to thank you all, my vintage sisters, for being there when even friends that I have known for dozens of years have not been. For simply sharing kind words and votes of confidence in me. I don't know how to yet feel about this news. I am grateful and concerned and tired of worrying. And yet I almost feel like I am screaming inside. I cannot scream out loud because I won't want to wake the babies but I wish could. Until I can...I will keep my screams quiet, my worries to a minimal, and make sure this plan of action continues to move along its course.

Thank you all again, much hugs, Bunny xox