For a few months now or perhaps it has really been for most of my life, I have always known that I would have a few battles before me to fight. I was walking on my toes since I was a child, by nine I was diagnosed with CMT, and my twelve I had my first major corrective surgery. And then when I was old enough to understand what my mother passed on from, I knew instinctively that I would have to continue carrying on the baton.
When I was in my early twenties I read somewhere that one should get mammograms ten years prior to the person closest (genetically) to them. Since at that point of my life the only person I could be that close to was my mother, I realized that I should have myself checked out yearly if possible. I remember walking into my first checkup and the ladies in the front desk said I was too young to get a mammogram done(I was 24)-well I told them my mother was too young to die. Yeap-that kept them quiet. I knew from then on I would have to be strong and when someone told me no, I would have to say yes, especially when it came to my health.
Fast forward to my late twenties and early thirties and I began having yearly mammograms. I would stop when pregnant and breast feeding but continued on with them after my body healed from child birth. I had my last one done this past December and its from that point that my fight changed. It was time I went to a higher level of proactiveness when it came to this part of my health.
Four months of doctors giving me the run around, not accepting me as a patient for whatever reason, and basically not getting connected to the right doctors. I have learned NOT to give up and do not take NO for an answer. You must be your biggest advocate when it comes to your health and well-being.
A few times I felt very emotional and scared. Not scared of the big C word but mostly scared that I wouldn't get the help I need. I may not be rich and famous but I AM important in this world (as everyone is) and bigger than any of that, I am important to my family. I thought deeply about my children, my biggest dream come true, and I refuse to leave them. I now know my PURPOSE is to not only be a mother but to be THEIR mother. I don't know how it came to me but I can share with you all that it felt like a whisper to my spirit. With thoughts of them-I championed on.
With my amazing primary doctors help I have been connected to one of the best Breast Cancer Surgeons in New York. Today, I went to my appointment and she said she found something. I wasn't surprised as I have been feeling discomfort on both sides of my breasts especially before/during/after my monthly cycle. She did a biopsy and spoke to me at great length. She is spunky, kind, gentle, and very knowledgeable in her field. All the things I was praying for to find in a doctor. I knew I would have to find a surgeon to work with one day but of course I didn't know that day would be in my thirties.
I find out the results this Thursday. I also have to have an MRI and Genetic testing so that we know where we are heading with this. She is optimistic, as am I.
I don't know where this journey will lead me. My mother dropped the baton when she passed but as her daughter I have proudly picked it up and will continue to stand brave and fight back-for her, for me, and more importantly of all-for my children. Because if I could I would scream this out from the top of my lungs..."I have to live for them! I have to live for them!"
Every night I pray for courage and strength and I pray that I will be allowed to see my children into adulthood. Now more than ever my purpose made clear. I love doing what I do and I would love to do many more things but I mostly would love to just be their mother here and now and tomorrow.
I am sharing this with you all because I want you to know your bodies and stand up for your own health. No one will care more or love you more than yourself. Please have your yearly mammograms if you are 30+ or of high risk. And do not forget to do you monthly self breast exam.
I will share my news as it progresses and ask that when you can, you could send me some positive thoughts and prayers. I feel good about all of this but of course it doesn't hurt to ask the universe for a little more courage and strength. Hugs to you all.....Bunny