Friday, July 29, 2011

Some Truths and Myths of being a Mama

My little loves hands in mine~2007

When the nurse placed my first born child, a daughter, into my arms, I instantly changed. It was quick and painless and wow such a surreal moment.(not the actual birthing part though lol) My daughter is one of my loves of my life. She made me into a mother and for that I am grateful. She was also named after my mother so our bond was extra, extra special.

And what does it mean to be a mother? Well, from experience I can say that dads can kind of be like mothers too. Mine was. I will touch on it briefly here but long story short--my mother passed away a few days after my eighth birthday. No one has been able or will ever be able to fill the void that was her. Growing up without her was made more bearable because I was lucky to have an amazing father who back in 1984 decided to raise his children as a single father. A daunting task indeed.

A mother is a person who nurtures, sacrifices themselves in every way, and most importantly loves you totally even on your bad days. Its been 28 years since she has been gone and I still feel her love with me. Actually I feel it everyday. I think that's amazing!

Although a mother does all those things, I have learned that being a good mother to your child/children or to children in your life means that you have to still maintain your own humanness, your own sense of self, and your own identity. It can be SO easily lost among the diapers, bottles, homework, play dates, etc.

Just like you need to tend to your romantic relationships or marriages you have to tend to your relationship with yourself. Hence, why I am trying to do what I am trying to do LOL

Here's are some Myths about Motherhood:

After you give birth to your child you know them already.

Answer: On a certain level you do because a lot of the way they are in your body is the way they are in real life. Just like Bunny would let me sleep til 11am everyday and til this day is a sleepy head! But you don't really know them. People assume because you're the parent of that child that you deserve that relationship but in actuality you have to put in effort into your relationship with your child. You have to learn about them just like everyone else does and you have to work at trust just like you do with others in your life. Its not a given. Because that child is in your care there is a foundation created but its up to you as the parent to nurture that and help it grow and blossom.

Once you become a mother  you are no longer a person.

Answer: You are a human being dammit! You just happen to help create other human beings. You are connected to them but you are a separate entity unto yourself. Treasure that and care for it-its your own gift. Oh yeah and youre still a woman with the need to feel pretty--to take off those baby stained clothes and dress up a little!!

You are supposed to be a Superhero, Sex vixen, Chef, and well bascially a Machine!

Answer: Not so! Its great to try and do it all but a woman who says she does is probably a little--um--loca if you know what I mean?! Trying to be all and do all is great but its NOT possible. Its important to embrace your imperfections as well as embracing the fact that sometimes you have to let go and let be. The dishes will get cleaned at some point in the day, the floors are dirty but not that dirty, and if you have to choose between snuggle time with your little one and laundry---choose your little one. They really don't stay little very long (boo-hoo!)

Here are some Truths about Motherhood:

Its a precious event that should be cherished in every way.

My Little Bunny at 8wks old!

Answer: It really is a MIRACLE! It really is something to be cherished-every moment that you can. I recall my last conversation with my mother. I was in my paternal grandmother's house with my grandpa and my cousin Mickey. She told me to be good and I remember her speaking so low. I also remember my grandpa crying and my cousin crying with him because he was sad to see grandpa sad. You know what----everyone that was in that room with me is now gone. First my mother, then grandpa, then grandma, and then tragically my cousin. So lessoned learned very well---LIFE IS SHORT! And so incredibly precious.

You end up loving them more than yourself.

Answer: Yes and No. You have to love yourself in order to love others but yes-you love them beyond human understanding-beyond our own language skills. Those three miracles of mine I love beyond myself-beyond all the stars-beyond love itself.

You learn a lot by being a mother or mothering others.

Answer: You grow as a person but of course only if you want to. You evovle as they evovle. You learn about what you really want and what you really don't need. At the end of the day their health and happiness is more important than sleep, more important than all those piling bills, just simply more important.

All in all its amazing to be a part of this journey of life with my munchkins. I feel like somebody somewhere in the universe must love me a great deal to have given me the honor of being their mother.


No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...